Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
