I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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