She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
