I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
