yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
