I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
