Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
