I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
