He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
