Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
