He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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