I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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