TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
