So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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