i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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