You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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