I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
