We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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