ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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