im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
