READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
