Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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