I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
