1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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