Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
