I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
