it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
