My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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