Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
