I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
