Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
