He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
