Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
