youre lurking in front of me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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