im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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