Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
