K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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