well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
