he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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