Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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