I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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