tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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