Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
