im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
