that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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