We need to rekindle our bromance
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
