On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
