"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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