you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
