Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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