i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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